The wilderness is upon us. Our sandals are worn and our feet are dusty from the journey we have traveled thus far. We stand on the opposite shore of our deliverance, the enemy defeated, yet our work has just begun. We understand that our God has set us free. Our Lord? The One who calls us “chosen”. There is still so little we know of Him, though He has already revealed so much. Have we forgotten the God of our fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob? Our chosen people. Nevertheless, God has not forgotten us or His promise. No! He has come to set us free and to bring us to new life again!
Hope swells in our hearts. So there is a promised land? Yes! We remember who we are and whose we are! We will not be shaken. We look to the horizon. There is a long journey ahead of us. We are learning that the Lord provides, and to trust in His ways. Even if we don’t understand.
We will reach the promised land.
If we know infertility, we know dry season.
If we know infertility, we know Lent.
I have endured a decade of forty days and forty nights in the wilderness, in the wasteland. Infertility has wrecked me, and the God who saves has had to build me up again and again. It has been a layered grief that has needed stripping and tending. Because the Lord promised descendents as numerous as the stars. When lineage is robbed from us, our theology knows the ache.
Has your walk with infertility felt like wandering through the dark? Like you have survived off of the piece by piece provision from the Lord that has given you just enough to stay quenched for the day or the lonely night? Waking to find that you need more, more of Him, more of His provision to get you through. Just as the Israelites who had crossed the Red Sea feared what was to come and cried out to the Lord in supplication, we, too, relate. Journeying through infertility is a “cloud by day, fire by night” pilgrimage. Similarly to the Israelites, God’s chosen people, we who carry the cross of infertility rely desperately upon the manna on the ground.
I’ve experienced small glimpses of the Glory of God on my walk towards the promise. Small gifts that have gotten me through to the next, furthering my journey eyes toward Heaven.
Nine years ago when I was a year into not having cycles, I had just received my diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure. I was referred to a reproductive endocrinologist, who overall didn’t understand my Catholic stance. He advised me to take the birth control pill so that we could run labs on day 2, 3 or 4. The pill was something that I had stood against my entire life. I couldn’t go against what I believed in, especially at such a time as this when my faith was pressed. I needed answers. However, I needed the reliance of the God who saves. So, I decided on faith instead of fear. It was in that moment that the cloud by day covered me. The Father gifted me a natural cycle a couple of days later allowing me to draw labs and experience the supernatural power of our God. I didn’t reach the promised land, but I foretasted it. The Father granted me revelation of who He was and what He can do in the impossible.
This Lenten season, I invite you to lift your gaze. For in fact, the Lord knows your destination. Reflect on the foretaste of the promise that God has gifted you throughout your own barren season. Meditate on the provision He has bestowed upon you that has gotten you here thus far. Nevertheless, we are not alone. We are God’s chosen people! Together let’s travel farther with hope in our hearts and the promise on the horizon! Because in the desert place, the Lord can produce much fruit.